Loving "All" of me

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. God giving you the opportunity to carry, nurture, and bring life into this world is truly a special gift we as women should not take for granted. But with that being said there are some side effects to that and for me it was my weight. For the past 4-5 years before having my son I had been successful at keeping my weight down to wear I was comfortable and happy. Pre-pregnancy with my second child I was between 150 and 160 lbs maybe 165 at most (size 6) . At the birth of my son I was 228 lbs which for me is the biggest I have ever been in my life. Throughout my pregnancy I was so concerned about my weight after this baby and hoping I would bounce back to my normal weight because he was so big. I just wanted to go back to my cute little petite skirt outfits and dresses with my heels. At my 2 week check up after birth I weighed in at 200 even which still bothered me because I didn't feel no where closer to my goal. My 6 week checkup I was 194 and I was falling into a depression not really feeling pretty or myself at all. This little man who brings me so much joy also brought to me this weight that was cause me to question my self-esteem. People around me would tell me I looked great but it didn't do anything for me because my old clothes were saying the same thing. I would try to go to the store to shop for clothes and nothing made me feel good about myself. I would try to diet but I couldn't as much as I wanted to because I'm exclusively breastfeeding. (when you are breastfeeding you have to eat for the nutrients for you and the baby if you don't you will pay its like when your pregnant the baby is going to get theirs first. I learned this first hand with my pregnancy with my daughter she almost took my teeth). I would want to go to the gym but after being at home all day with the baby and then later my daughter I wouldn't have the energy or drive to go, and working out at home consistently with a newborn at home is not as easy as I thought it would be. I was just sinking in despair. It would take this memorial day when I went over to my family's house that my little cousin would speak to my heart, mind, and spirit about who I am and my worth. My little cousin had just her son on my daughter's birthday last year and she was really weight conscience like me. We were talking about the babies and post-pregnancy weight, and she said to me "I had to learn to love the skin I'm in". That phrase spoke so much life into me because I realized that I should love me no matter what I look like and my worth  and love for myself shouldn't change. After that I started eating again properly, thinking about how God gave us the tools we need to manage our lives (weight and all) and enjoying life looking at my curves and embracing every stage of where I am with my weight and loving it. As a result I weighed myself the day after memorial day I was 198 lbs and didn't feel bad about it.  Today I started my cleanser and I weighed in at 190.6 lbs and I'm okay with that.  I'm not so focused on loosing the weight anymore just being more healthy and active for myself and my family. Me loving me and the skin that I'm in has caused me to workout with my son being at home and at times adding him to my workout. It was caused me to seek God more in healthy fasting (Daniel Fast) and prayer has helped me in balancing my schedule better and preparation for my next phase of life.  I'm so excited about my new transitions and what's to come.