Hello to all my singles! I am so excited for your 2020. This blog is dedicated to you living your best lives whole, embracing your journey as a single parent but overall as a single person. I too was previously a single mom of one who embraced the journey to wholeness as God prepared me for my husband. The first thing I learned in that journey was to embrace the fact that I needed to be alone in order to see who I truly was, and what God had for me.
When we are in relationships and are not whole it tends to cloud our judgement. The incompleteness within us has us looking for a fix to fill the void in our hearts. This becomes a distraction in our lives that ultimately affects us and our children as well. When you hurt, they hurt too! No matter how you try to prevent or protect them, you and your children are connected. Your actions come with consequences for you and them. Here are some of the things that helped me through my journey:
Loving the one in the mirror. (Forgiving yourself)
Let's be honest, sometimes it's hard to see the bad and the ugly in ourselves. It feels too hard to face the fact that we have allowed some things in our previous relationships that have left emotional scars in our hearts. In order to free our hearts from those relationships that have ended you must deal with the scars, and the root of what made you enter those relationships in the first place. A lot of times we enter into relationships just to fill a void that comes from our childhood experiences and/or other broken relationships. This is what I call the spare tire syndrome. We were not meant to have to deal with all of that hurt. We were not created to be any one's doormat. We were created to be loved, covered, and affirmed first by our heavenly father and then by our earthly fathers. When you are whole, there is so much freedom and clarity in understanding your purpose in life. There is a peace that no person can give or take away from you when you are whole. When you face the eye of the storm, which is the one in the mirror, you can forgive yourself and others. Life's stresses start to release its hold off of you. A lot of times from this experience your health even gets better. As we forgive ourselves, we can learn to love ourselves the more.
Walking in your Purpose
As we learn to love ourselves God starts to help us to identify our purpose in life. Living in your purpose gives you access to more of what God has for your life. With purpose comes assignments. When we walk in our purpose and start completing tasks that God gives us, He blesses us. We receive a promotion and with that more tools to get the job done. I am reminded of Adam and how he was blessed with Eve. God gave Adam an assignment in the earth. When Adam completed his first assignment God blessed him with a wife. Adam's focus was on pleasing God, and because of that He gave him the increase of a wife (help meet). I promise you it's when you are working in your purpose that God blesses you with a spouse. Just stay focused on what's important.
Remember God is a jealous God. He doesn't want us to place anyone above Him, not even your own children. He wants us to rely on Him. God's word tells us to lean not to our own understanding, to acknowledge Him in everything we do, and as a result He will direct our paths. If in your current state of mind if you think you need a companion to survive, or if having a spouse will distract you from being a good parent to your children, then it's safe to say you need to stay single. If you feel like you need a spouse to help you through some things, it's safe to say you need to stay single. If you feel the need to be a superhero or savior in your spouse's life, it's safe to say you need to stay single. Relationships are not meant to bring in luggage for someone else to carry. It is meant for two whole people to complement each other. As Christians, your goal should be a lifelong marriage. One that your children can look up to and exemplify when it's their turn to marry, creating legacy. Your purpose should have an alignment with your spouse that is bigger than you. It gives God glory to the testament of your union.
Embracing where you are
Being single has it perks especially when you are whole. You can come and go as you please with your kids without having to answer to anyone. If you co-parent well you can travel more with friends and have more personal care time for yourself. The journey of self-discovery is so beautiful at this time, you are able to embrace all of you financially, physically, mentally, and spiritually. You can be the best example for your children when showing them how to select a life partner to marry. Whether your goal is to stay single or be married, stay true to who are, who and what you desire, and let God do His perfect work in you.
Erica Williams is Life coach, Motivational Speaker, Writer/Author and Entrepreneur who thrives at helping women find and live in their divine purpose. She is a Christian Believer, wife and mother of 3.