Hello to all my singles! I am so excited for your 2020. This blog is dedicated to you living your best lives whole, embracing your journey as single parent but overall as a single person. I too was previously a single mom of 1 who embraced the journey to wholeness as God prepared me for my husband. The first thing I learned in that journey was to embrace the fact that I needed to be alone in order to see who I truly was, and what God had for me.
When we are in relationships, and are not whole it tends to cloud our judgement on things. The incompleteness within us has us looking for a fix to fill the void in our hearts. This becomes a distraction in our lives that ultimately affects us and our children too. When you hurt they hurt too! No matter how you try to prevent or try protect them you and your children are connected. Your actions come with consequences for you and them. Here are some of the things that helped me through my journey:
Loving the one in the mirror. (Forgiving yourself)
Let be honest, sometimes it's hard to see the bad and the ugly in ourselves. It feels too hard to face the fact that we allowed somethings in our previous relationships that have left scars in our hearts. In order to free from those relationships that have ended you must deal with the scars, and the root of what made you enter the relationship in the first place. A lot of times we enter into relationships just to fill a void that come from our childhood experiences and/or other previous broken relationships. This is what I call the spare tire syndrome. We were not meant to have to deal with all of that hurt. We were not created to be no ones doormat. We were created to be loved, covered, and affirmed first by our heavenly father and then by our earthly fathers. When you are whole there is so much freedom and clarity in our understanding of our purpose in life. There is a peace that no person can give or take away from you when you are whole. When you face the eye of the storm which is the one in the mirror you can forgive yourself and others. Life's stresses starts to release its hold off of you. A lot of times from this experience your health even gets better. As we forgive ourselves we can learn to love ourselves the more.
Walking in your Purpose
As we learn to love ourselves God starts to help us to identify our purpose in life. Living in your purpose give you access to more of what God has for your life. With purpose comes assignments. When we walk in our purpose and start completing task that God gives us He blesses us. We receive a promotion and with that more tools to get the job done. I am reminded of Adam and how he was blessed him with Eve. God gave Adam an assignment in the earth. When Adam completed His first assignment God blessed him with a wife. Adam's focus was on pleasing God, and because of that He gave him the increase of a wife (help meet). I promise you it's when you are working in your purpose that God blesses you with a spouse. Just stay focused on what's important.
Remember God is a jealous God. He doesn't want us to place anyone above Him not even your own children. He wants us to rely on Him. God's word tells us to lean not to our own understanding, to acknowledge Him in everything we do, and as a result He will direct our paths. If in your current state of mind you would be distracted from God and what He wants you to do, and instill your children it's safe to say you need to stay single. If you feel like you need a man to help you through somethings it's safe to say you need to stay single. If you feel the need to be a superhero or savior in your spouse's life it's safe to say you need to stay single. Relationships are not meant to bring in luggage for someone else's to carry along the way. It is meant for two whole people to compliment each other. As Christians your goal should be a life long marriage. One that your children can look up to and exemplify when it's their turn to marry, creating legacy. Your purpose should have an alignment with your spouse that is bigger than you. It gives to God glory because of your testimonial journey to marriage.
Embracing where you are
Being single has it perks especially when you are whole. You can come and go as you please with your kids without having to answer to anyone. If you co-parent well you can travel more with friends and have more personal care time for yourself. The journey of self-discovery is so beautiful at this time, you are able to embrace all of you financially, physically, mentally, and spiritually. You can be the best example for your children when selecting someone to go into a romantic relationship with, and you give them insight how to bring to the table in that relationship. Whether your goal is to stay single or be married stay true to who are who and what you desire, and let God do His perfect work in you.
Erica Williams is Life coach, Motivational Speaker, Writer/Author and Entrepreneur who thrives at helping women find and live in their divine purpose. She is a Christian Believer, wife and mother of 3.